I push anyone and everyone away, simply because I can't deal with it. Just the basic daily functioning is too much for me at those times and I physically, emotionally, and mentally retreat from the world. When it takes all of your energy to just get out of bed in the morning, how do you have enough energy to keep in touch with others' lives? Worse, I can't even explain it has nothing to do with them or even my desire to stay in contact. Any explaination just sounds like an excuse. In some ways it is, since there is a simple solution to escape my pit, and yet I drag my feet.

I can't believe how much time has gone by this year already. From last August until now is just a blur. There are events that feel like they happened yesterday. Most events feel like they were 10 years ago. I have aged, and changed, and evolved, so much during the last 12 months that I'm still re-learning who I am. I'm still going through more changes and will continue for quite some time I can sense. When I'm going through these transformations, I can't write. Words won't come. Sentences won't form. I used to berate myself for that inability. Now I finally understand it is all part of the process. Acceptance has never been a strong suit of mine, not when it means I have to accept something is "less than perfect". How can you accept something that is imperfect? I don't say it makes sense because believe me, that path insanity lies.

The second quarter has finished up and the summer quarter starts on the 20th. Grades will be posted next week, so it'll be interesting to find out how I actually did. I'm worried about my Corp Fin class, clueless about my Global Mgmt class, and hopeful about my MacroEcon class. What's hard to imagine is a year from now I will receive my degree.

So much is different and I'm still putting the pieces together. I'm sure I don't make sense. It's not very clear to me, either.

Mood: Perplexed

0 comments so far

previous - next