We were discussing some topic and he mentioned he was talking on the phone on the drive up the night before with a woman about the same topic. He mentioned (it fit into the flow of conversation at the time) that they'd met on a rafting trip he'd gone on about a month before. I guess she's going through a messy divorce, so I imagine they have quite a bit in common (he's going through a divorce himself although I don't think it's messy per se). What struck me is yet again, he mentions another woman he's interacting with (he did this on the day we spent together) and while the topic and tone are always casual / simple passing, there is still an undercurrent of "I have all these women in my life...". I suspect part of it is just having been married for over 10 years and now having all these women be around him is quite enjoyable and part of my irritation is my own insecurity about a man being interested in me, but I still resent being reminded that I'm just one of many. And really, that's not what bothers me. If he has lots of female friends, great! If he's dating around (totally understandable), again, doesn't bother me. What is my issue is I don't know what he is looking for *with me*. I get the feeling that he's keeping me on the hook for now but still seeing what else is out there, and I don't like that. He's already said he's not ready and I've accepted that and so I say "fine, play the field, enjoy yourself! Just don't think I'm going to be waiting for you while you're on your spree." No, I haven't said that to him point blank, although it is tempting and just might if it becomes necessary.

He's not being completely open with me and that's what I'm chafing against. I need to look into that since he's under no obligation to be completely open. Hmmmm. Dang it!

Oh well, this is how I'm feeling and I'm sticking to it! Until I let it go... LOL

Mood:

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