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The irony struck me this morning. I was running late, traffic was going to make me even later, for a meeting I didn't want to go to and didn't have anything to add, and I wondered what the hell was I doing. Surely there is more to my life than this? I would really love to find work that makes me satisfied and feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. You know, have a reason to get out of bed and be productive. I have a good idea on what type of work and what type of company I want to be at, but that leads me to two other questions - (1) what company fits that criteria that I could apply to and they would hire me; and (2) what if *that* job isn't satisfying? It all goes back to finding meaning and value within yourself, no matter what you are doing. It's all about your own attitude and how you approach the tasks in your life. I get that (even if I rebel against it most of the time) and it's comforting to know that my happiness is in my own hands. However, the flip side to that is a little disconcerting: my unhappiness is also my choice. How rude! I feel there is so much more out there for me to do, not just with work, but in feeling alive and vital and yet I "choose" to continue on my old path. I know there are a lot of changes that I want to make (not just need to make), but I'm overwhelmed by the volume and so I do nothing. Which of course simply increases the volume as more and more stuff is piled on. I need a plan. I'm not naturally a planner but I've learned I need to write down the tasks to complete or else nothing gets done. I think it is putting the focus on defining what I want, need, and when that clarifies it all for me in my own mind. Writing it down just crystalizes it. So of course I haven't taken the time yet to plan and write. Ha. Although I still think there is more to life than making spreadsheets pretty and putting up with whiny people that can't follow directions (how did these people get their jobs?!) and complain about being held accountable (the horrors!)...
Mood: 2 years and all I got was a short entry? - 2009-04-20 Huh... what.. there is a life above this rock? - 2007-06-13 Bon jour! - 2007-04-17 Paris in the Spring - 2007-04-05 Diary template created by rainfalls. No longer an active d-lander. Want your own diary? |